Friday, July 8, 2011

Never Say Never

My friend Sarah wrote a list of things that she swore she'd never do as a writer. She emailed them to me.

I do 98% of them pretty regularly so I sent her my response.The green is her original statement the blue is my response to her initial rule. Also, she loves the stories I create. Enjoy ;)

·         I will not use the standard format of threes just because that is what people are comfortable with.
·         I use threes because its symmetrical. And pleasing. And sort of fun and kinky.
·         I will not make up my own language just to give die-hard fans another fun thing to learn.  However I will periodically (randomly) mix in foreign langue’s; it’s called culture people, learn to love it. (<- I agree with this, as you’ve read)
·         I will not kill off children under 12 or innocents just to keep the story line going and make the reader feel more invested in the plot.
·         I kill people all the time. Especially children. Especially to drive the plot and build a character up. Meet Jason, the Honey Badger of the literary world.
·         I will not get pregnant half way through my book series and let my hormones fuck up my writing style and kill off half of my main characters.
·         Moot point because most of my characters die numerous times anyway and tend to come back. Or at least two of them do. I’m not sure if werewolves can land on their feet yet.
·         I will not give cancer to a character in every single story I write just so the readers will show some emotion.
·         I make them dejected orphan teenage girls instead. Much more modern and relatable to teens who hate their families.
·         I will not use the same plot over and over again until not even I want to read it.
·         Girl is abandoned by loved ones. Girl meets paranormal hunk. Hunk is a douche. Hunk likes girl but won’t admit it. Girl is obnoxiously independent. Girl nearly dies. Hunk saves day, gives girl credit.
·         I will not release a murder mystery and a children’s novel at the same time because I am a machine and think I’m that damn awesome.
·         I will release a fucking murder mystery children’s novel with graphic pictures just to piss off parents. And then I’ll write it out scene by scene and sell it as a new story parents will love to read. At the same time. Because I am that damn awesome.
·         I will not add an epilog to tell what happens after my story actually ends.  If my endings cannot stand on their own, then obviously they shouldn’t be published.
·         I like epilogues. They’re like the scene at the end of the credits you wait to see because it gives you hope.
·         I will not let my characters fall into stereotypical rolls that have been laid out for me by my favorite writers.
·         Christina= Buffy+Faith.
·         I will not write for anyone but myself.  (And Cynthia)
·         No argument. (But Cynthia would like to see PROOF that you write for her still :p)
·         I will not create a world just to let it fail.
·         No. I will create a world to watch it shatter just to force my characters to rebuild it and develop. Maybe by getting cancer or killing a child.
·         I will not put in huge battle scene if we already know who is going to win it.
·         I will because I like to write when someone gets shot in the head or stabbed through the chest in that fervent hunt for victory.
·         I will not let myself stop writing out of boredom or fear.
·         Or lack of time. Or moving. Or relationships.
·         I will not create a world that is unrealistic on either end of the spectrum.
·         I actually agree with this. Realism is key, unfortunately humans are so deluded that the more realistic you make a world, the more they dream it to be fictitious.
·         I will not write a love story into the plot line and allow it to take over the entire piece.
·         Renegade Angel 1st Ed.
·         I will not be discouraged by rejection.  I fully respect and understand that my style of writing will never be accepted in the academic world.
·         However, my writing style will one day be the basis of a whole new set of academia. And as a professor, I will teach it with Nazi like prowess and force it upon the youth as though it is the Only Way.
·         I will not ‘Shakespeare’ a story because I know it will sell more copies that way.
·         I assume this is something about tragic twists or strange language. I do both.
·         I will not allow my own feelings for the characters I create to cloud my judgment when writing about them.
·         I will. That’s why Forrest ends up shot so many times and Chris is always being subliminally punished for being a bitch.
·         I will not be as good as my favorite authors.  I will be better.
·         I will be the Charlie Sheen of writing all dressed up with nowhere to crazy but you love me anyways because just the sound of my name has enough narcotics in it to get you hooked.
·         I will also stay humble to the people who inspire me and made me who I am. They give me the reason and strength to write and I will acknowledge this with hidden symbolism and inside jokes.

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