Listening to: Martin Solveig ft Dragonette- Hello
Watching: Gene Simmons Family Jewels
Everyone should visit and contribute to this site (like I will when I get something I won't to say): http://lettersishouldhavesent.moonfruit.com/
I just recently began opening the store after six months of closing. It screws up my schedule still because 7:30 in the morning is not beautiful time to me as I rarely sleep before 2. The other night it was 5. Plus, random lucid nightmares about zombies and tunnels to other worlds and I may have fallen asleep watching Sliders but I'm not sure. Normally I sleep to Adult Swim but I might've rolled onto the remote.
Anyways, the point of me talking about opening the store was that I was studying the request off calender. Apparently something was going down on the 27th (July) because my name was on the date and I kept trying to remember why. Nettie's birthday was before mine, as was Dawn's, my dad's and bro's. Running buddy and mom's birthdays aren't until September and I don't think there was anything else I needed to do. It literally took me six hours to remember it was the day of Warped Tour that I'm still not going to. I'm sorry, but Blink-182 dominates any other band as far as concerts I want to go this year. Except Journey.
I need story prompts. I should be practicing my character development, perspectives and styles but I can't think of anything good to write. Hopefully I'll come up with something.
Oh yeah, people at work are still convinced I'm dating someone on the down low. I think my parents are suspicious too. My boss flat out told me she didn't care what I said, I had a boyfriend because I came in on Sunday with my hair, nails and make up done and was wearing a dress. Seriously. I'm trying to adapt as a person, create the professional image of myself I'll be expected to sell in order to get a real job. Coiffed, professional, and strong.
Oh God, mom's Carolina BBQ ribs are so good. So much sauce on my face. And now my pants. Damn it.
Transformers! Yeah. I saw that tonight. I wish I could have a Bumble Bee. I love that little guy. He's so sweet and fast and protective. The new love interest I felt was better than Megan Fox, and I felt she was actually better looking. Though I did like Ms. Fox's character I won't lie. It was a good movie, better than the second one. Dad said the reviews sucked, but I liked it still. Of course, as I've said before, I do like B-fliks so maybe I'm not the best judge. I just enjoy movies as movies and try not to compare them to much else.
The previews were good. The more I see of Real Steel the more I think of Rock-em-Sock-em Robots. The Captain America trailer was updated and makes me want to see the movie even more. I love super hero fliks. I don't know much about Captain America, actually, so I doubt I'll be disappointed by the film. I'm sure some of my friends will want to murder themselves after it though. Also, Mission Impossible: 4. That's right.
Tom Cruise is still acting.
I was shocked, but I'll see it. Action films are awesome. There will be fast cars, hot guys and explosions. It's how I fell in love with James Bond. I feel like there is something else I should've been saying but I don't remember.
Oh, I'm thinking about creating a sort of bucket list to accomplish before I leave of cool things to do in Virginia. Like hitting up D.C. again and actually getting to see the museums and zoo that I want to see. You know, climb the Washington Monument. Maybe go to Richmond and visit a friend. Go see the whales when they're around this year. I don't know a whole lot else that I can do here, as none of us go too far out of town. I do know I'll be visiting my brother to traipse around University of Virginia Campus and knock off some of the secret list items he has.
I need to know if there is anything to do that I'll want to have stories about later in life. Locals let me know, k?
Anyways, night.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
For Kicks and Grins
A lot is happening in a landslide lately, but its pretty good stuff. Life balances out that way. Cosmic balance, haha. Apparently my grandfather, his wife and their two kids are coming into town today to hit up Busch Gardens. So anyone looking to go, I might be headed back up there soon. I work the morning shift Thursday and Friday so I might have the time to head up there for a few hours. I haven't ever been to an amusement park with small kids before.
I've decided to start running again. It's been at the minimum three weeks since I've ran and my body is in the process of punishing me for it now. On my morning shift days and days off I'll run, so that gives me three days off a week. I may try to do something else on those days, but I'm pretty lazy so maybe not.
Also, this trip to Maine is happening. I talked to the store manager about using my paid leave time and she made it seem like it was a go-ahead scenario. I'm just going to wait another day or so for confirmation from her before I buy the ticket. Then I'll have a five day mini-vacation in a place that I've never been with people I already know are totally wicked.
Emily is pretty awesome. She's actually personally accountable for my addiction to Buffy and the creation of a handful of my characters. Including my top three favorites: Christina, Jason and Tom. I can't wait to see her again. It's been a long time, over a decade. But we're still close and that's what makes us awesome. I do believe I'm going to learn to play DnD while I'm up there which is super exciting, as well. And it'll just be fun hanging out with relaxed people. I'm really looking forward to this.
Just found out my Pawpaw is actually not coming in, which may be for the better as we were totally unprepared and my room was no clean. I should do that, but I don't receive company, so, no one else really gets to see the mess but me. I'm okay with it to an extent and it's not God awful yet so I have a few days. Maybe today or tomorrow since I get off work at 4 I'll put some effort into laundry and picking up. Or maybe not.
(Lazy)
So, I've been dressing up to dress up for work and to go out and about lately. Everyone I work with thinks I have a secret boyfriend. My parents are a tad suspicious as well as I wore make up to work today. I came home relatively early for me, as in before midnight, though and that means they have no clue what the hell is going down. I'm sort of enjoying confusing people. But seriously, in our world of today why is it that if a girl suddenly decides to look presentable she has to be hanging around a man? Seriously? To be honest, I tend to dress my best when I'm totally alone. Hanging with men tends to make me be cute, yeah, but I play it down because I don't like people assuming I should be gussied up all the damn time.
So now I'm doing it for kicks and grins and throwing the whole order of society into chaos. I wore my grey cargos with a light green cami and tied up light pink over shirt Tuesday, wore a slightly-long-than-knee-length leather skirt and cream ruffle top yesterday and today I sort of look like Alice (the one from Wonderland) in my silky blue dress, black tights and flats. This would be great week to get Richelle to style me if I had the money, but as I'm super broke, I just need to keep this mood strong for a few weeks.
Perusing the Boise State website the other night, looking at the Graduate College programs I went to re-investigate the Certificate in Counseling Addictive Behaviors criteria. On my way to study that I saw a link for the Masters in Criminal Justice program. Can you say 'Hell yes'? Because I sure did. I mean, I seem to be leaning heavily toward law enforcement and have been for a while. I think it would be cool being a cop working my way through my Doctorates of Psychology degree plan in a few years. I can counsel with my doctorates and if I so choose, I can just go ahead and get my Masters in Psych as well, later, from another school.
I love school and plan on being involved for a while, ya see? But right now it seems like a more feasible plan to get my Masters in Criminal Justice, then go for my Doctorates in Psychology if I want to practice. Or if I just really want to be called Doctor when people address me. Meanwhile I can work in law enforcement and make simple money doing something that I actually feel I could be happy doing.
Sarah's no internet is driving me nutso, by the way. Normally at night I have a buddy to talk to or Skype with, but she's gotta get a job now and she's working really hard on making that happen. So that means ido things like write multiple blogs in a row, or Stumble until I pass out.
Boredom after midnight is also because Bro keeps his PS3 (and LBP) locked in his room with him at night. Which means I can only play when he's at work or awake. I have my 360 though, so that's some comfort. I still suck ass at Halo, which is why I don't see the point in paying the subscription fee for Live. I'm not going to pay good money to be yelled at by hyped up twelve year olds. Bastards. Right now it's being used by his two friends before he runs off to pick up his Corvette.
So many things I do't know about that transaction, but meh, it doesn't really involve me as none of my money is going toward it. I'm happy for him though. Maybe a little jealous, but fuck, I'll never tell him that.
Food time. I should probably change clothes and go running. Or I could eat the rest of this leftover Papa John's.
Laters.
I've decided to start running again. It's been at the minimum three weeks since I've ran and my body is in the process of punishing me for it now. On my morning shift days and days off I'll run, so that gives me three days off a week. I may try to do something else on those days, but I'm pretty lazy so maybe not.
Also, this trip to Maine is happening. I talked to the store manager about using my paid leave time and she made it seem like it was a go-ahead scenario. I'm just going to wait another day or so for confirmation from her before I buy the ticket. Then I'll have a five day mini-vacation in a place that I've never been with people I already know are totally wicked.
Emily is pretty awesome. She's actually personally accountable for my addiction to Buffy and the creation of a handful of my characters. Including my top three favorites: Christina, Jason and Tom. I can't wait to see her again. It's been a long time, over a decade. But we're still close and that's what makes us awesome. I do believe I'm going to learn to play DnD while I'm up there which is super exciting, as well. And it'll just be fun hanging out with relaxed people. I'm really looking forward to this.
Just found out my Pawpaw is actually not coming in, which may be for the better as we were totally unprepared and my room was no clean. I should do that, but I don't receive company, so, no one else really gets to see the mess but me. I'm okay with it to an extent and it's not God awful yet so I have a few days. Maybe today or tomorrow since I get off work at 4 I'll put some effort into laundry and picking up. Or maybe not.
(Lazy)
So, I've been dressing up to dress up for work and to go out and about lately. Everyone I work with thinks I have a secret boyfriend. My parents are a tad suspicious as well as I wore make up to work today. I came home relatively early for me, as in before midnight, though and that means they have no clue what the hell is going down. I'm sort of enjoying confusing people. But seriously, in our world of today why is it that if a girl suddenly decides to look presentable she has to be hanging around a man? Seriously? To be honest, I tend to dress my best when I'm totally alone. Hanging with men tends to make me be cute, yeah, but I play it down because I don't like people assuming I should be gussied up all the damn time.
So now I'm doing it for kicks and grins and throwing the whole order of society into chaos. I wore my grey cargos with a light green cami and tied up light pink over shirt Tuesday, wore a slightly-long-than-knee-length leather skirt and cream ruffle top yesterday and today I sort of look like Alice (the one from Wonderland) in my silky blue dress, black tights and flats. This would be great week to get Richelle to style me if I had the money, but as I'm super broke, I just need to keep this mood strong for a few weeks.
Perusing the Boise State website the other night, looking at the Graduate College programs I went to re-investigate the Certificate in Counseling Addictive Behaviors criteria. On my way to study that I saw a link for the Masters in Criminal Justice program. Can you say 'Hell yes'? Because I sure did. I mean, I seem to be leaning heavily toward law enforcement and have been for a while. I think it would be cool being a cop working my way through my Doctorates of Psychology degree plan in a few years. I can counsel with my doctorates and if I so choose, I can just go ahead and get my Masters in Psych as well, later, from another school.
I love school and plan on being involved for a while, ya see? But right now it seems like a more feasible plan to get my Masters in Criminal Justice, then go for my Doctorates in Psychology if I want to practice. Or if I just really want to be called Doctor when people address me. Meanwhile I can work in law enforcement and make simple money doing something that I actually feel I could be happy doing.
Sarah's no internet is driving me nutso, by the way. Normally at night I have a buddy to talk to or Skype with, but she's gotta get a job now and she's working really hard on making that happen. So that means ido things like write multiple blogs in a row, or Stumble until I pass out.
Boredom after midnight is also because Bro keeps his PS3 (and LBP) locked in his room with him at night. Which means I can only play when he's at work or awake. I have my 360 though, so that's some comfort. I still suck ass at Halo, which is why I don't see the point in paying the subscription fee for Live. I'm not going to pay good money to be yelled at by hyped up twelve year olds. Bastards. Right now it's being used by his two friends before he runs off to pick up his Corvette.
So many things I do't know about that transaction, but meh, it doesn't really involve me as none of my money is going toward it. I'm happy for him though. Maybe a little jealous, but fuck, I'll never tell him that.
Food time. I should probably change clothes and go running. Or I could eat the rest of this leftover Papa John's.
Laters.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Oh Man, Oh Man
I got my hair cut! I love it. I've been debating for several months about just getting it all chopped off, but I thought I'd look awful with short hair. This cut is super cute though, there's just something about it that I love. It's got spunk. I'd post a picture, but for the most part everyone who reads this is on my facebook and that means you've all already seen it.
That makes all of this really redundant. But I don't care.
So, it was Father's Day yesterday and our gift to my dad was to leave him alone in the house with Duke Nukem Forever. We took him out for breakfast around noon, because my family rolls that way, then parted ways for the day. Mom and I went and dominated Busch Gardens.
Oh man, Busch Gardens is so awesome! I mean, sure I tend to come across with the mentality for fun like a six year old, but hey. I enjoy life as much as I can when I can. Mom was laughing over my giddy excitement. Jumping up and down in my seat, grinning like a child, being overall awesome. We rode all the rides and roller coasters. We went into every shop. The Aviary was pretty amazing. This one was my favorite, super interested in my mom and myself.
She looks like she's wearing a mask. Her name is Rachel. A very pretty bird. I love the little tuft of red on top of its oh so blue head.
The first big roller coaster we rode was Alpengeist, which was pretty wicked. There was a younger girl behind us on it with her dad and she was so excited it made me giddy. She was telling him, rather loudly, that it was her ninth time on the ride. We took off and just as we climbed to the top before the first drop she yelled "I'm so excited I'm going to pee!" I about died. I'm really glad she was sitting both behind me and with someone else, haha. I want my children to be that excited over something they've done nine times.
It was really fantastic though. There was surprisingly little people in the park, so the lines were at the max ten minutes long. That was for the log ride too, and it was a bit warm and muggy outside. We ended up leaving when the park closed and not a minute sooner, after purchasing a pound and a half of fudge, a truffle, a giant peanut butter cup, jelly beans, and ice cream. It was a great day. I would have bought a small wolf plushie toy, but I'm trying to be at least somewhat conservative with my money.
I'm trying to take a trip, either to South Carolina or Maine (most likely Maine) mid-July. A super close friend of mine that I haven't seen in years is up North and I want to visit her before the move happens and I go completely broke. I need to be sure I keep enough spare mullah for that to happen.
Well. I saw The Green Lantern tonight and I have to say, it was pretty much awesome. Ryan Reynolds being playfully charming and shirtless? Awesome. Super hero story about overcoming fear to dominate the power of will and accomplish untold feats? A life lesson I'd love to adopt. Somewhat loose ends left for a sequel? It's supposed to be a blockbuster hit, these things are expected. The movie was a little fast paced to me, as in all of the sudden things were wrapped up, but it was good. I enjoyed the 'ability to overcome fear' ideal behind it and not giving up things you care about because you're scared. Honestly, I'd never thought too much about The Green Lantern before but I have to say, I like what he stands for.
It's now time for bed and arguing with Sarah over which of us will be able to have Neil Patrick Harris's children. Yeah, we know he's gay. He's also hilariously charming. It's a quality we both admire.
Ciao.
That makes all of this really redundant. But I don't care.
So, it was Father's Day yesterday and our gift to my dad was to leave him alone in the house with Duke Nukem Forever. We took him out for breakfast around noon, because my family rolls that way, then parted ways for the day. Mom and I went and dominated Busch Gardens.
Oh man, Busch Gardens is so awesome! I mean, sure I tend to come across with the mentality for fun like a six year old, but hey. I enjoy life as much as I can when I can. Mom was laughing over my giddy excitement. Jumping up and down in my seat, grinning like a child, being overall awesome. We rode all the rides and roller coasters. We went into every shop. The Aviary was pretty amazing. This one was my favorite, super interested in my mom and myself.
She looks like she's wearing a mask. Her name is Rachel. A very pretty bird. I love the little tuft of red on top of its oh so blue head.
The first big roller coaster we rode was Alpengeist, which was pretty wicked. There was a younger girl behind us on it with her dad and she was so excited it made me giddy. She was telling him, rather loudly, that it was her ninth time on the ride. We took off and just as we climbed to the top before the first drop she yelled "I'm so excited I'm going to pee!" I about died. I'm really glad she was sitting both behind me and with someone else, haha. I want my children to be that excited over something they've done nine times.
It was really fantastic though. There was surprisingly little people in the park, so the lines were at the max ten minutes long. That was for the log ride too, and it was a bit warm and muggy outside. We ended up leaving when the park closed and not a minute sooner, after purchasing a pound and a half of fudge, a truffle, a giant peanut butter cup, jelly beans, and ice cream. It was a great day. I would have bought a small wolf plushie toy, but I'm trying to be at least somewhat conservative with my money.
I'm trying to take a trip, either to South Carolina or Maine (most likely Maine) mid-July. A super close friend of mine that I haven't seen in years is up North and I want to visit her before the move happens and I go completely broke. I need to be sure I keep enough spare mullah for that to happen.
Well. I saw The Green Lantern tonight and I have to say, it was pretty much awesome. Ryan Reynolds being playfully charming and shirtless? Awesome. Super hero story about overcoming fear to dominate the power of will and accomplish untold feats? A life lesson I'd love to adopt. Somewhat loose ends left for a sequel? It's supposed to be a blockbuster hit, these things are expected. The movie was a little fast paced to me, as in all of the sudden things were wrapped up, but it was good. I enjoyed the 'ability to overcome fear' ideal behind it and not giving up things you care about because you're scared. Honestly, I'd never thought too much about The Green Lantern before but I have to say, I like what he stands for.
It's now time for bed and arguing with Sarah over which of us will be able to have Neil Patrick Harris's children. Yeah, we know he's gay. He's also hilariously charming. It's a quality we both admire.
Ciao.
Friday, June 10, 2011
White Noise
I keep waking up at, to me, odd hours of the morning. It's 8:17 and I went to bed somewhere around 3. What the hell? Apparently I'm freaking out again about something and I can't tell what it is and if its worth freaking out over. I need to calm th hell down is what I need to do. It can't be that important. Crikey. I'm about ready to beg for an appointment with a psychiatrist to put my ass on adoral or something. Not really. I wouldn't take it even if I had it.
Went to Applebees last night with most of the usual group. It was pretty nice, comfortable. A friend of a friend came over and chat with us for a while, and anyone who is a fan of The Boondocks is generally okay by me. Haha. It was pretty cool.
My tablet got dropped in the sink a few days ago on accident. Because, really, who'd do that intentionally? But anyways. It's an Acer IconiaTab. I've heard a lot of trash talk about Aver throughout my life and for several years no one in my family would purchase one. No one. But this tablet, man, this tablet is a fucking beast. I love it. It's a survivor. I let it dry out for about 48 hours and began to play with it, and it works like a little champion! I'm stoked about that.
I need to upload music onto it, download some books to it, and see if there's a word processor I can put on it. I also need to put on the screen protector and buy a carrying case for it.
OH. Scooby-Doo is on! I think it's the one where they go to the island and it turns out to be real monsters and I think cat people. Yeeeeeah. I remember watching this one in Germany, because the mother of a second sister to me said she missed Fred's ascot. Oh, the nineties.
Anyways, I'm going to try to go back to sleep. When I wake up again, before work today, I need to fix up a friend's computer. Damn backdoor bot got into it and set up a scareware virus (MS Removal). The steps to fix it should be pretty easy.
I need to start working out or at least running again. I was a lot more relaxed and calmer then. Actually, now that I think about it, I didn't wake up early a single time while I was actually working out, and stay awake at least. I've been having some whacked out dreams lately. Had one last night. Bah. I've been considering doing this workout a friend of mine is on, but I'm a bit intimidated by the idea of imminent failure it represents. Its making a beast out of him, but he was in shape when he started.
He's now mostly a super hero or creature myth. I don't know if my puny mortal body can handle that sort of change, haha.
Also, I'm pretty lazy. If I start it, I really don't want to quit halfway through and that seems to be something I do. I should stop that. Bad Cyn! Get it into gear. Fred looks like an animated Ken doll... I don't think I've ever noticed that before.
I need to start writing again. Poetry, my stories, my journal (which has been getting neglected pretty hard lately, I should take it with me to work and when I go places) or anything. Writing always eases my head and when my stomach gets all tense and worried. Also, the video games I've been playing have helped. That's pretty cool. I always wanted to be a gamer, now I can have a legit reason to get addicted! I wonder how many studies there are on how video games reduce anxiety. Might become my Masters Thesis.
Also, unless something awesome/horrible/interesting happens to me over the weekend I probably won't update until Monday. But that will be later Monday night/earllier Tuesday. Whether anyone can or wants to go with me or not, I'm going to this carnival that's happening at Mt. Trashmore Monday evening! It starts at six in the evening, so I'll probably end up out there around seven. I love carnivals. I love the questionable food, the funnel cake, the somewhat questionable rides. I'm going to do my best to take a lot of pictures and actually play the games if I have the scratch.
Maybe I'll win myself a prize.
I think its going to storm today. That's awesome. Listening to the rain always relaxes me. I had a dream about it last night, I was in a field laying on a blanket with someone and it was storming and we just sort of laid there and listened and let the rain fall. I'm pretty sure it didn't end well though. I think it flooded. I don't always have the best recall of my dreams. I just know I woke up cuddling my dog and my teddy bear.
I'm going back to bed. These cartoons make me sleepy. They're my version of white noise when mixed with my fan.
Later homies.
Went to Applebees last night with most of the usual group. It was pretty nice, comfortable. A friend of a friend came over and chat with us for a while, and anyone who is a fan of The Boondocks is generally okay by me. Haha. It was pretty cool.
My tablet got dropped in the sink a few days ago on accident. Because, really, who'd do that intentionally? But anyways. It's an Acer IconiaTab. I've heard a lot of trash talk about Aver throughout my life and for several years no one in my family would purchase one. No one. But this tablet, man, this tablet is a fucking beast. I love it. It's a survivor. I let it dry out for about 48 hours and began to play with it, and it works like a little champion! I'm stoked about that.
I need to upload music onto it, download some books to it, and see if there's a word processor I can put on it. I also need to put on the screen protector and buy a carrying case for it.
OH. Scooby-Doo is on! I think it's the one where they go to the island and it turns out to be real monsters and I think cat people. Yeeeeeah. I remember watching this one in Germany, because the mother of a second sister to me said she missed Fred's ascot. Oh, the nineties.
Anyways, I'm going to try to go back to sleep. When I wake up again, before work today, I need to fix up a friend's computer. Damn backdoor bot got into it and set up a scareware virus (MS Removal). The steps to fix it should be pretty easy.
I need to start working out or at least running again. I was a lot more relaxed and calmer then. Actually, now that I think about it, I didn't wake up early a single time while I was actually working out, and stay awake at least. I've been having some whacked out dreams lately. Had one last night. Bah. I've been considering doing this workout a friend of mine is on, but I'm a bit intimidated by the idea of imminent failure it represents. Its making a beast out of him, but he was in shape when he started.
He's now mostly a super hero or creature myth. I don't know if my puny mortal body can handle that sort of change, haha.
Also, I'm pretty lazy. If I start it, I really don't want to quit halfway through and that seems to be something I do. I should stop that. Bad Cyn! Get it into gear. Fred looks like an animated Ken doll... I don't think I've ever noticed that before.
I need to start writing again. Poetry, my stories, my journal (which has been getting neglected pretty hard lately, I should take it with me to work and when I go places) or anything. Writing always eases my head and when my stomach gets all tense and worried. Also, the video games I've been playing have helped. That's pretty cool. I always wanted to be a gamer, now I can have a legit reason to get addicted! I wonder how many studies there are on how video games reduce anxiety. Might become my Masters Thesis.
Also, unless something awesome/horrible/interesting happens to me over the weekend I probably won't update until Monday. But that will be later Monday night/earllier Tuesday. Whether anyone can or wants to go with me or not, I'm going to this carnival that's happening at Mt. Trashmore Monday evening! It starts at six in the evening, so I'll probably end up out there around seven. I love carnivals. I love the questionable food, the funnel cake, the somewhat questionable rides. I'm going to do my best to take a lot of pictures and actually play the games if I have the scratch.
Maybe I'll win myself a prize.
I think its going to storm today. That's awesome. Listening to the rain always relaxes me. I had a dream about it last night, I was in a field laying on a blanket with someone and it was storming and we just sort of laid there and listened and let the rain fall. I'm pretty sure it didn't end well though. I think it flooded. I don't always have the best recall of my dreams. I just know I woke up cuddling my dog and my teddy bear.
I'm going back to bed. These cartoons make me sleepy. They're my version of white noise when mixed with my fan.
Later homies.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Pavlov's Bell
The title is a song by Aimee Mann.
I spent yesterday hanging out with some friends of mine down at the beach for several hours. It was lovely. The breeze kept it from being too hot, the water was actually rather warm, and until the sun went down it was very nice. More people would have made it a little bit better, but it was still pretty awesome. We picnicked and chilled. It was very relaxing.
After that we went to one of the girl's apartments. Had some wine. Played some Guitar Hero, which I discovered I am still awful at, haha. Of course, playing against someone who has an easy time on Expert, while I'm still bad on Beginner doesn't help. It was fun though.
When I left for home, my friend was telling me about how much she missed her boyfriend, how much she loved him. That sort of thing, deep emotions for another being who isn't there, always makes me think hard.
I thought last night, and this morning so far, a lot about the people in my life. About how much they mean to me. I have a hard time opening up and letting people know I care about them. That they mean something to my life, that I appreciate their support and the times they're their for me. I have a harder time telling the men in my life this than I do the women. It's always been that way. I don't like feeling like a burden to people, and I don't like feeling like I'm relying on someone else too heavily.
But I know some really great guys. They've picked me up more times than I've realized that I've fallen. Doing stupid little things to make me smile, to keep me happy, to go out of their way to show they care. I don't show much appreciation but I should. A lot of girl's complain there are no good men left. There are plenty. I have a wealth of them in my life. They put of with my crazy emotional bullshit, they offer to listen and be there even if they're handling something else. There are lots of great guys out there, but if you don't recognize what they do for you, you can't expect them to keep it up. That's so tiresome, caring for someone who doesn't appreciate anything you do for it.
I'm not sure if I show it enough, which probably means I don't, but I do notice and appreciate all the things done for me. Maybe not all, actually. I'm not always the most observant person in the world. I don't know how to show it, but I do notice. Like driving me up to a door because its safer than letting me walk by myself at night in an unfamiliar place. I notice. I appreciate it.
In that instance, I wanted to show it, but I had something else I had to handle.
All of the thinking lead down several other tangents. I rarely think of one thing at a time. I thought about the important people to me. I thought about how closed off a person I can be, even when all I've wanted to say is 'I'm scared. I don't know what to do about it, and I don't want to be, but I am.' I thought about how much I don't say when its all I want to do, because for some reason the words won't come out. Some days all I want to do is sit down and talk, explain myself and all the randomly connected lines of thought running through my head. Answer all questions honestly.
But I can't seem to get the words out. I can't do the actions either, because I'm never sure if things have changed in the situation. I'm never sure if I've waited too long and lost the chance.
I rely really heavily on other people to give the go ahead for a variety of things. To make plans, to hang out, pretty much anything. I'm not very assertive. I wish I was much more often. I feel like by being so timid, I've lost a lot of opportunities to make connections with people that I've wished I'd made connections with. I've lost chances that I can't get back.
When I finally got to sleep this morning, I had a dream I haven't had in a few years. I was in a vast field of grass, sand and sage. There was no sun, but the night sky above was so lighted with the cosmos that there didn't need to be sunlight to see. I was sitting in the field, staring up at the universe and remembered this place was where I used to go when I meditated to keep calm. My Nirvana. Someone sat beside me that I didn't really see. I don't remember anything else really, except waking up trying to remember what the person said to me.
Anyways, I'm out of comfort food and nearly out of time before work. I need to go get dressed and eat something substantial before I make dinner to take with me. I feel better. I'm not really sure if I said much that made sense, but oh well. I'll be back to myself in a few hours or at least by tomorrow. I'm a durable little person, and I bounce back pretty quick from most things. I'm not sure what I'd be bouncing back from except a less than excellent mentality, but I'll do it.
Have a good day.
I spent yesterday hanging out with some friends of mine down at the beach for several hours. It was lovely. The breeze kept it from being too hot, the water was actually rather warm, and until the sun went down it was very nice. More people would have made it a little bit better, but it was still pretty awesome. We picnicked and chilled. It was very relaxing.
After that we went to one of the girl's apartments. Had some wine. Played some Guitar Hero, which I discovered I am still awful at, haha. Of course, playing against someone who has an easy time on Expert, while I'm still bad on Beginner doesn't help. It was fun though.
When I left for home, my friend was telling me about how much she missed her boyfriend, how much she loved him. That sort of thing, deep emotions for another being who isn't there, always makes me think hard.
I thought last night, and this morning so far, a lot about the people in my life. About how much they mean to me. I have a hard time opening up and letting people know I care about them. That they mean something to my life, that I appreciate their support and the times they're their for me. I have a harder time telling the men in my life this than I do the women. It's always been that way. I don't like feeling like a burden to people, and I don't like feeling like I'm relying on someone else too heavily.
But I know some really great guys. They've picked me up more times than I've realized that I've fallen. Doing stupid little things to make me smile, to keep me happy, to go out of their way to show they care. I don't show much appreciation but I should. A lot of girl's complain there are no good men left. There are plenty. I have a wealth of them in my life. They put of with my crazy emotional bullshit, they offer to listen and be there even if they're handling something else. There are lots of great guys out there, but if you don't recognize what they do for you, you can't expect them to keep it up. That's so tiresome, caring for someone who doesn't appreciate anything you do for it.
I'm not sure if I show it enough, which probably means I don't, but I do notice and appreciate all the things done for me. Maybe not all, actually. I'm not always the most observant person in the world. I don't know how to show it, but I do notice. Like driving me up to a door because its safer than letting me walk by myself at night in an unfamiliar place. I notice. I appreciate it.
In that instance, I wanted to show it, but I had something else I had to handle.
All of the thinking lead down several other tangents. I rarely think of one thing at a time. I thought about the important people to me. I thought about how closed off a person I can be, even when all I've wanted to say is 'I'm scared. I don't know what to do about it, and I don't want to be, but I am.' I thought about how much I don't say when its all I want to do, because for some reason the words won't come out. Some days all I want to do is sit down and talk, explain myself and all the randomly connected lines of thought running through my head. Answer all questions honestly.
But I can't seem to get the words out. I can't do the actions either, because I'm never sure if things have changed in the situation. I'm never sure if I've waited too long and lost the chance.
I rely really heavily on other people to give the go ahead for a variety of things. To make plans, to hang out, pretty much anything. I'm not very assertive. I wish I was much more often. I feel like by being so timid, I've lost a lot of opportunities to make connections with people that I've wished I'd made connections with. I've lost chances that I can't get back.
When I finally got to sleep this morning, I had a dream I haven't had in a few years. I was in a vast field of grass, sand and sage. There was no sun, but the night sky above was so lighted with the cosmos that there didn't need to be sunlight to see. I was sitting in the field, staring up at the universe and remembered this place was where I used to go when I meditated to keep calm. My Nirvana. Someone sat beside me that I didn't really see. I don't remember anything else really, except waking up trying to remember what the person said to me.
Anyways, I'm out of comfort food and nearly out of time before work. I need to go get dressed and eat something substantial before I make dinner to take with me. I feel better. I'm not really sure if I said much that made sense, but oh well. I'll be back to myself in a few hours or at least by tomorrow. I'm a durable little person, and I bounce back pretty quick from most things. I'm not sure what I'd be bouncing back from except a less than excellent mentality, but I'll do it.
Have a good day.
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